Resources For Setting Boundaries

As we wrap up this series covering boundaries, I wanted to share some resources that you can use for yourself or with clients to build better boundaries. I like using short lists and visuals aids with clients to help overcome barriers like learning disabilities or distractions in the home. If you have suggestions or other resources, please post in the comments!

Don’t forget to check out other posts in this series like “Types of Boundaries in Home-Based Therapy” or6 Steps to Setting a Boundary in a Client’s Home.

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💭R E L A T I O N S H I P S + a . d a t t a c h m e n t [p a r t 3] —— 👾Useful for: Anyone with, is friends with, or is in a relationship with someone who may have Avoidant Dismissive attachment✨ 👾Our triggers can differ depending on our style of attachment. So what are the triggers for A.D’s + what do we do when activated? —— 💭Triggers For An A.D: ✏️Confrontation/aggression/anger expressed by someone close to us ✏️Perceived or real controlling behavior, excessive contact or ‘neediness’ ✏️A physical injury or trauma to ourselves or a loved one ✏️Bereavement —— 💌As avoidant-dismissives, when our attachment is triggered, we may engage in what are called ‘deactivating strategies’. These are behaviors/thoughts we use to create distance between ourselves + those around us in order to protect ourselves from potential emotional pain✨ —— 💭Deactivating Strategies 📘Physical + Emotional Distance We leave the room, the house, we turn off our phone, we ghost, we leave the message on read, we go off grid, prioritize work, hobbies etc. We can be purposefully vague, placate, deflect, invalidate + may not share important issues or certain events that have occurred✨ 📘Euphoric Recall There can be a tendency to daydream about the benefits of ‘single life’ or about the ex that ‘got away’. Love is idealized, the grass may seem greener elsewhere + what was once great is now not quite what we’re looking for✨ 📘Hypersensitivity to Flaws Although an A.D may feel very much in love, A.D’s may notice a tendency to orientate towards another’s ‘faults’. We may feel the ‘right’ partner would just ‘get’ us but then again, we’re strong willed, so we don’t need closeness as much as others seem to need it …right? 💡Does this resonate with you, or remind you of someone you know? —— 🔮Mental Note: 🌱All of the above can happen in any relationship✨ 🌱Relationships naturally change overtime, sometimes we grow apart + realize it’s time to call it a day✨ 🌱The difference here is, with A.D attachment, our walls, distancing + defenses are utilize to manage our growing anxiety, a fear of failure + to shield us from potential heartbreak✨ 🌱Part 4: Healing Our Attachment ——

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I always felt really uneasy when I’d read The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. For those who have never read it, it’s about a tree that literally gives itself away to a boy, piece by piece, until there is nothing left, seeking only to meet his every need. I’d always think, “What am I supposed to take away from that?! Give all of myself away?!” 🤍 // The confusion was compounded by my Christian upbringing and the message that Jesus sacrificed his very body for everyone. “Like the tree? Am I supposed to be like Jesus and the tree?” The message was that love is sacrificial. 🤍 // But then I realized, after much study and experience and thought and discussion, that true love has boundaries. True love does not seek to destroy anyone, including myself, but it seeks to build up and create something new. I am called to be healthy, not selfless. I am called to care for myself, not give myself away. I am called to respect others, not push or coerce my way into getting something from them. I am not a god. I am not God. Nor am I expected to be. 🤍 // Women, in particular, receive all these messages about giving to our families, giving to our friends, giving to our religious communities, giving to our neighbors. We are made to feel shame for giving to ourselves. Sometimes, just for making decisions that will keep us mentally and physically healthy. Like saying “No.” Like saying “You are not allowed to treat me that way.” Like saying “I’m doing what is best for me.” 🤍 // Boundaries are our life savers. Boundaries are the behavioral manifestations of an internal decision to value ourselves and care for ourselves. I don’t need anyone to give themselves away to me either. I have boundaries. 🤍 // 📷 @spiritual_af #boundaries #codependent #codependentnomore #selfcare #loveyourself #codependency #healthyrelationships #intentionalliving

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